What Abusers Do (Word Published)

"A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time

before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure

the victim to commit to the relationship. A victim may be made to feel

 guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship."

  ~  New Hope For Women.org

Abusers are like the ever-observant, stealth-like falcon. It hovers and/or stands at the ready, always searching for prey. The Peregrin Falcon is known for its speed, which can reach over 200mph when it is diving.  

Abusers are like a hovering, stealth-like falcon,
ready to dive for its prey.

Mr. Christian Man was some five years older than I was, he'd waited until I'd finished high school. I'd also just ended a long term dating relationship. He verified through friends that the relationship was over and immediately started coming around. Within a month of us starting to date, he proposed to me.

I told him that I was taking business law and general education classes, I wanted to finish college and in fact wanted go to law school. 

Rather than honoring my dreams and discussing how we could do that and still be together or other options, he ridiculed, minimized and shunned my goals. And the abuse had started.

An abuser is used to getting his own way, he knows how to do it and he's aware of what he's doing.

They intentionally degrade or put down the victim's dreams or accomplishments, to gain control. 

It would have been obvious to any one with common sense that it was a premature relationship, a not thought out situation. I was 18, he was in mid 20's.

I wish my parents had advised against this 'marriage out of the blue,' but they were deeply mired in their own issues, experiencing a divorce themselves. Stalk!

They were not emotionally prepared to be parents to a besotted daughter right then. D*mn. Just when you could use an objective opinion, like, a parent. Ewww . . double-down, stalk!

So my Daddy instead walked me down the aisle to this young man he did not really know. I was primed for prey. Caught, snapped up in his monstrously sharp, capable, talons.

APOLOGIZE (Word Published)

THEY SINCERELY APOLOGIZE

These guys' apologies are so good, they deserve an Academy Award for their performances. Seriously. Clap! Clap!  So good. In fact, the crowd is now at a roaring applause, the theater audience demanding more, more! Grrrrr!


Ooohhhhhhh  . . . They're diabolically good.

I'm just sayin'. Been there and I bought it. Over and over, and over and over . . untold times.

When they are inappropriate, crossing even the ugly abuse line, they know it. 

Or perhaps, they are sensing you are getting tired of the abuse, that you are forging for a way out, getting control, getting ready to leave.

You, the victim, you, the abused, the easy make. The hunted. Now, you are a Goddess, the Virgin Mary, you're perfect. 

How blind they were not see it. 

All accolades are to you now . . . their jibber jabbor is reflective of someone who has really, 'seen the light!'

Like Cinderella, Snow White, The Fairy Princess. You are now adored. 

They buy you flowers, chocolates, they plead with you to forgive them and assure that it will never happen again. They hold your hand to their heart so you can feel how truly apologetic they are.

They bribe, promise. I'll go to therapy, they say. It'll never happen again (the abuse)

What is said - and what is sad - is that for you, all is forgiven. 

You love them!

Horribly, hugely, terribly! You are immensely in love with them.

You are predisposed to want to believe them. This is your lover, your life partner, the father of your child. 

In reconciling his abuse - and you do - you do it automatically, graciously, almost as if you're flying high on drugs. For heaven's sake, of course you forgive him, all you have ever desired was harmony.

This is a fact.

This is how it was for me.

When Mr. Christian Man apologized I felt like all was alright in the world. My shoulders could finally, once and for all, find a place to settle and be. I could let my mouth release a deep breath and I could breathe. All was right. Finally. I could let out a sigh.

I have never doubted Mr. Christian Man's sincerity. Never. Not one day of my life. I never doubted his honesty, love, faithfulness. I never doubted anything about him. (To this day. Smile.)

This man that I'd married because I thought he was worthy, was back. 

I'd projected myself unto him. I'd been infactuated with him. I probably behaved in untoward manners. I thought he was worthy, because he was sincere ad infinitum. 

He'd been my knight in shining armor regarding Christianity and a man, zealous about life, knowledge, passion. He was back.

I'm just sayin'. I've been there. I bought it. Over and over, and over and over . . untold times. All I ever desired was harmony. 

But the abuse did happen again, despite my wishes for harmony.