Wednesday, January 22, 2014

What Abusers Do

"A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time
before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure
the victim to commit to the relationship. A victim may be made to feel
 guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship."
  ~  New Hope For

Abusers are like the ever-observant, stealth-like falcon. It hovers and/or stands at the ready, always searching for prey. The Peregrin Falcon is known for its speed, which can reach over 200mph when it is diving.  
Abusers are like a hovering, stealth-like falcon,
ready to dive for its prey.

Mr. Christian Man was some five years older than I was, he'd waited until I'd finished high school. I'd also just ended a long term dating relationship. He verified through friends that the relationship was over and immediately started coming around. Within a month of us starting to date, he proposed to me.

I told him that I was taking business law and general education classes, I wanted to finish college and in fact wanted go to law school. 

Rather than honoring my dreams and discussing how we could do that and still be together or other options, he ridiculed, minimized and shunned my goals. And the abuse had started.

An abuser is used to getting his own way, he knows how to do it and he's aware of what he's doing.

They intentionally degrade or put down the victim's dreams or accomplishments, to gain control. 

It would have been obvious to any one with common sense that it was a premature relationship, a not thought out situation. I was 18, he was in mid 20's.

I wish my parents had advised against this 'marriage out of the blue,' but they were deeply mired in their own issues, experiencing a divorce themselves. Stalk!

They were not emotionally prepared to be parents to a besotted daughter right then. D*mn. Just when you could use an objective opinion, like, a parent. Ewww . . double-down, stalk!

So my Daddy instead walked me down the aisle to this young man he did not really know. I was primed for prey. Caught, snapped up in his monstrously sharp, capable, talons.

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